|All Things Carrot||So Long My Friend (4.5 meg)|
I was asked on several occasions during Carrot's long
illness about her past and whether she had had a hard or difficult life. This of course caused me to reflect on a question we cannot easily answer, why she drank and didn't try to stop? No, she didn't have a hard life. The only
thing I could think of as hard or difficult was that she grew up without a father. But that was not enough. Was she loved and provided for? Yes, she
was. And I think when you look at these pictures you realize she seemed sincerely happy most of her life.
But sometime between the summer of 1990 and June 1991 when I saw her next, things had changed. So do the pictures. Bruce no longer was taking any pictures and what few there are Carrot had lost her genuine smile. It was sometime during that year that she and Bruce began to drink everyday and she quite simply gave up. To make it a fait accompli she then ran away from children and home to Toronto. All this in space of time of just over one year. But what had changed?
The only answer I can offer is that that is when she became an alcoholic. Whether it was the genetic code kicking in and/or just an addiction she couldn't control. Perhaps it was the combination of that and her personality strength become defect of that ever so strong stubborness. She was going to do what she wanted even if it was going to kill her! It was her hubris mixed with daily intoxication that did her in.
A fatal flaw. That stubborness would get me so angry sometimes. We didn't talk once for six months because of an argument over a Scrabble game for which I eventually apoligized, of course. Dave, her second husband expressed the same thing - how he would go for walks to cool off.
Despite all of this, we had a bond. We had the same sense of humour, we laughed at the same things. I wanted her back through these last several dark years. All the time I was hoping she'd call and finally ask for help. Just to admit that she was vulnerable so I could help. But she didn't. And that made me angry too! But let no one doubt, despite all of this, I loved my little sister. A big part of my heart died with her on that day.
The pictures on this web site are mainly from albums she was about to throw out in her darkest days citing that she was going to "make a new beginning". Thankfully Dave rescued them from the trash. There are many taken by herself, mother and some of the best were taken by Bruce. And there are several photos taken by yours truly as well.